Golden Bubblegum

 The chairs were placed in a horseshoe formation in the society compound.

    The residents of ‘Sabarmati Heights Society’ were going to have a society meeting today,in which no resident wanted to take part in.

       Miss Ruby(or Mademoiselle Ruby, as she preferred to be called)was sitting on a separate chair,facing all the empty chairs in front of her.She was very fat and despised by almost everyone in the building,her infamous behaviour being very famous.Her foolish nephew,who was around the age of twenty,still behaved like a child.He now sat beside her,crying while blowing his nose repeatedly on an already dirty handkerchief.

      The residents of the building came down,one-by-one,and they took a seat reluctantly.Miss Ruby’s evil face twisted into a fake smile every time a member took seat.

‘So my dear residents,’Miss Ruby said in a fake,sweet voice which nobody liked.

‘Up to no good,for sure,’Mr. Rajan muttered under his breath.

‘As you all know,I called this meeting because a robbery has taken place in my house,’Miss Ruby said,shedding crocodile tears.

‘Miss Ruby-‘Tara started.

‘Mademoiselle Ruby!’Miss Ruby snapped.

‘Whatever!’Tara said irritably,’The point is that the robbery is your personal problem.The committee can do nothing in this matter.’

‘Oho!’Miss Ruby exclaimed,’you useless frogs can do nothing in this matter but all of you went to help Raghu when his ice creams went missing!’

     Raghu was Miss Ruby’s known enemy.

‘It was because you had stolen my ice creams!’Raghu said sourly.

‘How dare-‘Miss Ruby started.

‘Mummy!’her nephew wailed suddenly.

‘What?’

‘The jewellery which got stolen was my late mother’s!’he sobbed,’It was worth a fortune! You-‘he said,pointing at Miss Ruby in dire accusation,’you never gave me my inheritance!’

‘Err...hehe.I was about to g-give you the jewellery!’Miss Ruby said,trying to cover up.

‘All lies,’Mr. Rajan muttered,shaking his head.

‘And you all!’Miss Ruby said,crying as she hid an empty bottle of glycerin behind her handbag,’Can’t you all help a helpless,innocent and poor girl? Oh,why didn’t I die before seeing this day?!’

    Raghu yawned pointedly.

Miss Ruby spared him a dirty look before continuing with her melodrama.

‘Mr. Chauhan!’she said,pointing towards the building’s secretary,’Haven’t you looted the building funds since years?’

‘Oh god,’Tara said,exasperated.

‘Now it is time for you to pay all of my expenses,because I pay the maintenance fee!’Miss Ruby said.

‘This is ridiculous!’Tara said,’you have just started paying the maintenance fee from this month,after years of being a defaulter.’

       Miss Ruby changed tack in lightning speed.

‘I am a helpless girl living alone with my nephew.Perhaps that’s the reason why you are discriminating me,for I am a girl.’

‘First of all,you are not even applicable to be called a girl,’Tara said,’And secondly,if you are so desperate,then why don’t you go to the police?’

‘I’ll answer,shall I ?’said Raghu,’She is already wanted in so many cases,so will the police officers not recognise her when she goes for help?’

‘That’s true,’Mr. Rajan muttered.

‘You are the one who has links with the underworld,‘Miss Ruby spat,her tightly set curls coming down,‘I had approached the police but they only laughed at me’,Miss Ruby lied effortlessly.

‘Anyone will laugh if you will approach them while looking like a wax statue,‘Raghu said with a sneer.

‘How dare you?’Miss Ruby roared. She turned towards Mr. Kapoor,who was her crush.

‘Don’t I look beautiful?’she asked in a baby voice.

‘Erm...’Mr. Kapoor said ,squirming uncomfortably in his chair.

‘Have mercy and say no,‘Raghu said.

‘You-‘Miss Ruby started but she suddenly stopped. There was a maniac gleam in her eyes.

‘So it is you,‘Miss Ruby said gleefully,’You stole my jewellery!A-And-‘she looked around wildly for the secretary,’Yes,you took help from our dear secretary too!’

      Raghu rolled his eyes.

‘Excuse me?’Mr. Chauhan said incredulously.

‘One minute please!’Ramesh shouted loudly.He loved poking his nose in everyone’s business.

‘Miss Ruby-‘he said.

‘Mademoiselle Ruby,’she snapped.

‘Mademoiselle Ruby,‘Ramesh said,‘Please don’t blame anyone.The thief must have left behind some evidence.After all,he is a human too and humans make mistakes,don’t they?’

        Miss Ruby glowered at everyone,except for Mr. Kapoor.Then,she took out a pink chocolate wrapper from her handbag.

‘This morning,I found this wrapper in my locker instead of my jewelle-‘Miss Ruby faltered as everyone in the vicinity raised their eyebrows,‘ I mean, my late sister’s jewellery.As nobody in my house eats chocolate,this wrapper was surely thrown in there by the thief.’

Her nephew sniffed.

‘Looks like a chewing gum’s wrapper,’Mrs. Lara said,squinting.

‘Yuck!’Miss Ruby said,pinching her nose,‘But then,of course,Raghu will eat such garbage for he is a dump himself.’

‘I wish I could dump you ,‘Raghu spat.

‘I wish I could boil you!’Miss Ruby said venomously.

‘You are a cannibal,‘ Raghu said

‘You are a spineless amoeba!’Miss Ruby said.

‘You are a blithering idiot.’

‘You are a good-for-nothing loafer!’

‘You are a brainless git.’

‘You are a slimy trout!’

‘Will you two shut up?!’Tara shouted in between,‘Can’t you two ever keep quiet? Always itching to go at each other’s throats!’

‘I will keep quiet,‘Raghu said,’Only if Miss Ruby stops looking like an over boiled cabbage.’

       Everybody snorted,even Miss Ruby’s nephew.

Mr. Reddy,Raghu’s muscly and most loyal sidekick, guffawed loudly.

‘Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder,‘Miss Ruby said in a dignified voice,looking daggers at everybody.

‘My eyes are insulted by just looking at you ,‘Raghu commented.

‘Burnt,more like,’Mr.Chauhan,the secretary,added.

‘So true,’Mr. Rajan muttered.

        The second empty bottle was glycerin was thrown on the ground as Miss Ruby started crying, yet again.

‘You all are so mean! I will lodge a police complaint against all of you !’Miss Ruby wailed.

‘Miss Ruby-‘Tara said.

‘Mademoiselle Ruby,‘ Miss Ruby snapped.

‘Mademoiselle Ruby,’Tara said irritably,’When you will lodge a complaint against us ,then please do register a complaint of your robbery at the same time.’

‘I-‘Miss Ruby started.

‘Meeting is dismissed.’Mr.Chauhan said loudly 

          An ugly look replaced the tears on Miss Ruby’s face as the members got up hastily.She stomped towards Raghu and the both started arguing.Everybody vacated the spot,keen on not getting stuck between their verbal spat which was going on in a very shocking language.

        Tara kept the register in the society cabinet while the secretary went past,unconcerned.Miss Ruby’s nephew made to follow them.After tearing open a chocolate wrapper,he popped the bubblegum in his mouth,smiling to himself as he threw the wrapper on the ground,which looked exactly like the one his aunt had found in her locker.

       The jewellery had met its rightful owner the previous night.